You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize