I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize