I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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