I hope mine doesn't look like that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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