Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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