I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
