as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
