who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
