3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
