Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
