I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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