Will you blow on my dice?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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