there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
FUCK WHALES
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
