You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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