after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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