If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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