Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
