her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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