his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize