Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
