We won't sleep together?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize