dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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