Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The best revenge is premature balding
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found your dick twin last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry my hands just texted you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
