These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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