i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
