my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The adults are the big ones right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
