Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize