Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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