it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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