You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
