Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
