I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
