And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
