Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
