Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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