Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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