i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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