At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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