Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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