the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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