Someone shattered a urinal.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
