A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
