Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
