I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
