Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My liver just broke up with me...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
