I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
