I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
