I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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