i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
