I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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