Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
