Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
