Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
