did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize