I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
