You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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