Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
