why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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