She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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