Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry TheREALNoelH hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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(516): View more from New York

my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic

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(313): View more from Michigan

we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all

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(720): View more from Colorado

Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.

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