No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
