So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
