Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
