On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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