the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
