U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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