Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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