so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
