She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
