Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The power of my boobs compel you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
