Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
