ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
